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Knocked tf UP!

Wow. Fucking October. What a month. So few days before this month started I find out I’m pregnant. And it was definitely a shock to me. I’ve been told in the past by 2 different doctors I may be infertile due to other conditions. Usually a doctor can’t fully diagnose you with that though unless you’ve been actively trying for a year. And here we are :) The default pic is first ultrasound at about 5-6 weeks, the embryo is super small, its the little white dot that you can kind of see lol. as of today I’m 10 weeks pregnant and I’m pretty open about my life/journey because in times like this especially with social media everyone portrays a plastic perfect life and I like to just keep it as real as always with my followers. I have about 150-200 people that watch my stories daily and maybe now about 5-10 solid people reading my blog. Being raw , real & vulnerable are strong traits of mine and I think it helps other express themselves and feel safe to talk about their own triumphs aaand tribulations.     So anyways September we move to new state and temporarily living with family as we find a place of our own. That in itself was a challengeeeeeee. Even though we had over $**,000 in the bank we were denied twice by two rental properties. 1 reason not having worked in past few months due to Covid , 2nd was criminal history. Sucks to suck. I speak to a realtor and she tells me based off my situation and that I do have substantial money saved up I should consider buying a house vs renting. That their are great programs for first time buyers , I have decent credit and that there is no background check. Our issue with that was we needed to move within a week or 2. And buying property is not something you rush especially living in new state I know nothing about. So anyways we tried renting from private owners , 1st owner was very sweet and willing to work with us but we just didn’t like the properties she had (mold, not full kitchen, etc) but location was A1 and near where both my husband and I would be working. Now the 2nd private owner had a house, where everything seemed good on the inside besides a few minor issues but the area was veryyyy ghetto and next to a trap house and a bando . Despite that we both decided to take it. Now this is like the first week ok October maybe around the 7th. We were just ready to have our own space and ready to move in. We needed to make a trip back to Florida to get some more of our things and also for me to go to the doctor and check forreal forreal if I was pregnant (my insurance was Florida based at the time). We tell the landlord of the home we’d be back on the 15th and we’d like to move in then. But mind you the day before we leave to Florida landlord wants to meet up with my husband and I to go over the terms of the lease and such and also tells us it’s ok to leave some of belongings there til we get back. When we meet up that day the landlord talks to us , made some changes to lease that we didn’t agree on and so on but then asks if we’re ready to sign the lease . I tell them I’m not ready and I’ll sign on the 15th when we’re ready to move in, plus they were still fixing some things in the house. You wouldn’t believe that the landlord tells me that it’d be helpful if we signed today because they don’t have the money to pay the worker fixing up the house! Weird. Uncomfortable. Anyway I still send $1k to help but I don’t sign.  I call my aunt as we’re on our way driving to Florida and explain to her and she is FURIOUS. And what she’s most furious about is the fact that the prorated amount they were trying to charge me was waaayy off and I shouldn’t be paying almost full months rent if I’m moving in on the 15th. I call back the landlord and am speaking to their partner who was not at the house and tell them what’s going on and that this is off. Long story short the conversation got heated. After reaching to Florida my aunt says she does not want anyone ripping me off and she’s going to get my things from the house. The very next day she calls me and tells me she found somewhere else for me to rent. In a better neighborhood, a bigger house, and for much less ! Look at God. I swear God alwaaaaays be on some sht like this. God really don’t play bout me. It’s craaaazyy. So yeah on the 15th we drive back up and ready to move in to this big house that’s honestly too big for us but we’re so thankful.  The NEXT bloodclaat day this pregnancy sht hits me. Like niggas is in bed ALLL day since that Sunday. Like I don’t wanna get out of bed. I also don’t have an appetite. I’m also vomiting anything try to eat. So after a week of that I’m like nah I don’t wanna eat, I don’t wanna shower, I don’t wanna do anything. I am so thankful for my husband in times like this I appreciate him even more. Since moving into the house he has unpacked everything, hung up all my clothes and his, he’s the one that has been doing laundry and dishes and cleaning (deep cleaning was initially done by a cleaning service) getting things in order. I honestly didn’t know how all this would get done based off how sick I’ve been feeling. It’s a feeling I hate. My face is breaking out, I feel disgusting. I don’t even want my husband looking at me, I’m like pushing him off of me when he tries to kiss me. I’m crying because I hate the way I feel. And I hate that I couldn’t help him unpack or gain the strength to cook him a meal.  Everyone is telling me this is normal, it’s the first trimester blah blah blah and so I’m like ok... I know I’m not no weak bitch lemme get my ass outta bed and go get a facial. So I drive to go get a facial and I get there and immediately I feel sick, on the way there I stopped to get a donut and coolatta from Dunkin just to get something in my stomach. Anyways I get there and as I’m sitting in waiting room I start crying cus I’m like nah I feel like sht I can’t take this. The women at the spa were so fckn nice it was unbelievable. 5 mins into my facial I need to get up to puke. Unfortunately. The owner comes to me and says she feels I should reschedule my appointment so that I can get the full experience of my treatment. I agree. They have me lay down in another room on massage table and rest until I feel better to drive again. After that I didn’t eat for 3 days , the feeling was just getting worse I knew that this sht was NOT normal, I didn’t give a fck what any mom was saying. No. I felt like I was dying. I decided to call my doctor and tell him what I was experiencing, he told me I need to go to the emergency room immediately. I was crying on the phone while talking to him but I heard him say something about hyper something, something about potassium and something else I couldn’t pronounce. So I call Charles and tell him I need to go to ER . He leaves work, comes home to get me and we go to the ER . The first one we go to doesn’t allow anyone to go in with the person being treated due to CoViD . Bullsht . I call like 3 other hospitals to find one that will allow my husband to come in with me. So first they take my vitals , everything good. Then they weigh me. When I went to the doctor in Florida I was 164lbs when the nurse weighed me that day I was 150lbs ! In less than 2 weeks I lost 13-14 lbs. I knew it when I went to pee in the cup and my yoga pants were loose by my butt and thigh area. They diagnosed me with Hyperemesis Gravidarum which is extreme pregnancy sickness and happens to about 2-4% of pregnant women. I fckn knew the sht wasn’t that normal. People telling me “Eat crackers, chew ginger, blah blah , bleh bleh, first trimester, normal this, bullsht that” NOTHING HELPED. That shot me up with Sodium Chloride (salt) , Benadryl and Reglan.  When you have HG it’s cus your pregnancy hormones HCG are very very high. Idk but since that day I’ve felt pretty ok. I’m eating now and not vomiting. They prescribed me Diclegis but I haven’t filled it because I haven’t really needed it. And it’s known to cause birth defects if taken too frequently. On Halloween I felt so fckn normal I was scared I lost the baby, I did not feel pregnant at all. So my husband and I went to a dancehall party, Chromatic was DJing . We both haven’t been to a party in madd long especially not with the straight dancehall vibes, so it was cute. Now we’re just waiting for my next doctors visit to make sure everything is ok and hopefully find out the gender. I feel so blessed everyday that I wake up. Charles is so fckn supportive I could cry. Like idk what I did to deserve him. We went out to eat last night and I asked “You know when people are like marriage isn’t easy, you have to put in work for your marriage, it’s not a bed of roses, that there are so many books on working on your marriage.... What do you think is so hard about it? What do you think the hardest part is ?” He goes “What do you mean? Who seh dat?” I’m like “Just in general, what could be so hard? Compromise? Being faithful?” He’s like “No, none of that is hard. And not everyone feel that way about marriage, some people say it’s easy.” It really depends on how you feel about the person you’re with.  I personally don’t see what could be so hard about it, granted I’m only 3 months into this thing but when you openly communicate, listen and understand your partner it can’t be that hard. And to really speak the truth some people just don’t belong together forever and some were made for each other. 

We got married pretty quick, I got knocked up pretty quick but we both strongly have faith in God and we both have loving supporting families and I think anything is possible with that. I'm warming up to feeling more comfortable about sharing more and more details about my journey, like more videos, text messages, photos and answering questions ... but this really is just the beginning. <3

Really just can't wait for my children to come back and read these. ReplyForward

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